Amanda Rose Otis

What a Glorious Last Four Days!

2010-12-27T13:52:00.001-08:00

Since last Thursday, the days have been filled with all kinds of fun stuff! On Thursday, Jarrod and I traveled 2 hours south of my house to stay with his parents and brother for the night. It was a good time. Good food and lots of laughs. On Friday, we basically had Christmas with his family in the morning and opened presents! Then we went and visited both of his grandmas before we headed on up to Olympia to Jenna and Franks house (my cousin and her husband) for Christmas Eve with my Dads side of the family. The past couple of years we have done a gift exchange sort of thing where everyone brings one nice gift and one silly gift, then we pick numbers and go in order and you get to pick out of the pile or choose someones gift that has already been opened if you want that! It was so fun. I ended up getting some mary kay satin hands lotion, hand wash, and hand softner plus a starbucks gift card for my nice gift and a book called "What Your Pee is Telling You" as my silly gift! What fun! It is always is a good time on Christmas Eve!

When we got back to my house all of us still had presents to wrap, so basically we were all in our rooms wrapping away before setting them up in the front room and then attempting to sleep! I haven't been so excited for Christmas like I was for this one in so long. It was like I was 5 again because I was so anxious I could hardly sleep! I ended up getting up at 7:45 and waking my parents up and then we all headed out (after dragging Jarrod out of bed : ) ) to open presents! We all got lots of fun stuff! After that, our family friends came down and we opened more presents and played cards! Helen ( a best friend I have known since I was 5 who lives 2 houses down from us) made me this wonderful quilt!! Hands down my favorite gift! Made with love for sure! I love thoughtful gifts like that! To finish off the day, we headed over to my Aunt and Uncles with Christmas with my Moms side. The food was absolutely DELICIOUS!! Also, my moms brother lives in Iowa right now and couldn't come home for Christmas, so my uncle set him up on skype and put him up on the windowsill for the whole night so he could still sort of be there with us! He got to see us open all our presents and see what we had for dinner, too! Thank you Jesus for technology!

Well, there is always more to say, but I think I will conclude with a couple pictures from Christmas! It was a wonderful one I must say!

My quilt in all its glory. Look closely for the turtle fabric. She knows me so well!!

BEFORE

AFTER : )

Jarrod and I all dressed up ready to head over for Christmas dinner!

Tis The Season To Be Jolly!

2010-12-11T17:18:00.000-08:00

I absolutely love the holidays! I just finished drinking a peppermint mocha and am currently watching my mom pack up stuff in the living room making room for all the Christmas decorations! Tomorrow we are going to get our tree (granted it isn't a torrential downpour still) and going to decorate the house and tree! I can hardly wait for Christmas because I love giving everyone their presents. For some reason it is always really hard to keep em all a secret and not give them their presents right away! At least I am learning to be patient, right?

Despite the crazy year I have had, there are lots of things to be thankful for! If you know me, you know what these are and if not, just know I am happy with how things are going right now :D. Anyway, I just wanted to write a little blog real fast and I think I will finish it off with some pictures of Whoopee, Thanksgiving (we had over 20 people at our house!), and Jarrod and I! Pictures are always nice! Enjoy!

Life On Track

2010-11-12T02:18:00.001-08:00

UPDATE

My last post was all about, "I plan to do this, this, and this." Guess what, I did it! I got my job back at the coffee shop about a month ago AND I will be attending Tacoma Community College starting March. Life is finally getting back on track and I am so happy about it.

Other wonderful things that have been happening in the life of Amanda lately. Got a puppy!!!!

Meet Whoopee! The cutest Jack Russel Terrior in the whole world. Full of energy! Although we do call her alligator dog occasionally because she really love, love, loves biting right now. Just for fun of course, but man oh man her little pointy teeth hurt!

Also, Jarrod and I celebrated our ONE YEAR anniversary on November 6th. We spent the day in Seattle at Pike Place and the Cheesecake Factory. So much fun. That isn't how the day started though. Jarrod had joked earlier in the week that he was getting me a snuggie for our one year. I laughed it off, but that morning he let me open my gift and I am now a proud owner of a tye-dye snuggie!! I absolutely loveeee it. He made me believe that that was it, but then surprised me with a promise ring! He did good. : ) I am proud to say that we fall more in love with each other every single day. Can't wait for another year with him!

Don't mind the messy house...we just got a puppy remember. Hehe. Diamonds in the two outside hearts. Never can go wrong with Diamonds! : )

Other than working, running around with the puppy, and loving Jarrod, nothing else has happened, but I think I'm ok with only what already has. :D

Job

2010-09-13T23:06:00.000-07:00

I am currently looking for a new job. Sigh. I have thought long and hard about going back to my old one at Northern Pacific Coffee Company, but I just don't know. I need something that pays a lot more since Jarrod isn't able to work right now...still. Soon though he will be able to, yay! Moving on up! : ) Also, I have a plan with school. I obviously withdrew from PLU. One, because it was just too stressful omgosh and two, I just didn't like it there!! In my eyes I withdrew from PLU 3 years overdue because I was unhappy almost my whole time there. Anyone who thinks I should of just finished because I only had a year and a half left....well I have one thing to say to you...IT WAS MY LIFE THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I was not happy. So PLU, goodbye. I am moving on and SO HAPPY ABOUT IT. I plan on going to Tacoma Community College in order to finish of my general university requirements and than going to University of Puget Sound to finish up my biology degree. I think it is a fantastic idea. I am not sure when I will enroll at the community college, but I do plan on seeing an adviser there : ). Also...please be praying with my relationship with Jesus. I have to admit, it has been on the decrease for a while now : (. I want the amazing relationship I had back, so bad, but can't seem to get the motivation to get there....

Love you all.

Twenty One Roses

2010-08-07T10:13:00.001-07:00

Happy birthday to me! : ) I am the big 2-1 today, yay! I woke up this morning to find a HUGE vase filled with twenty one roses. I should have expected it. My mom is a florist after all, but I was completely surprised and it was a lovely one! Schedule for the day? First going to get my new license. Then heading to my grandmas with Jarrod to make raspberry jam and probably opening some presents. Then heading to Katie Downs on the waterfront in Tacoma for dinner with family and friends. After that...who knows?!? : )

WHAT A YEAR SO FAR

2010-07-30T02:19:00.001-07:00

It is 2:00 am. I have to get up at 8:00 am to go to work. I've been tossing and turning all night. My mind is going 100 mph. I just CAN'T sleep. Solution: BLOG! I need to write what has been going on in my life this year because it needs to be out! Only people super close to me know what has been going on and this is only since June that I have had support from my family. Until then it was pure STRESS from March up until June. ANYWAY, what the heck has been going on with me? Better grab a comfy chair and a blanket because boys and girls you are in for one long wild ride.

Note: This story probably leaves out a lot of details because simply, there is just so much in my head that it's all jumbled up and in different orders, so what comes out comes out. I can fill people in later on anything they want to know!

This story revolves around a guy named Jarrod William Hoffman. I, Amanda Rose Otis, am truly, madly, deeply, in love with said JWH (as he is with me : ) ). Although, our relationship which started early November 2009, has been anything but normal. Let me begin with the basics. We met, ironically, through another guy I dated who let me add was a horrible choice. Jarrod however is nothing like him thank goodness. We hung out a little in the summer, but kind of lost touch for a while. I had a busy end of the summer and when school started back up I was loaded with a crazy schedule of homework and handling a new job. Eventually I missed him enough to contact him and we started hanging out again in October and by November we were a hit! Everything was absolutely amazing up until about February. The whole time we had been together he was living with some people who were a very bad influence on him and he had gotten into marijuana (there is another explanation and cause of his use that we will get to later). This obviously did not sit with me well AT ALL. I mean, why in the world would it. I am NOT that kind of girl. But I had fallen in love and I couldn't let myself give up on him.

Side note: Anyone who thinks you can't possibly fall in love in that short of amount of time has probably never been in love. Trust me, I didn't think it was possible either, but it happened. So get back to me when you fall in love and let me know how you feel about love now.

Alright back on track. In order to tell the rest of the story, I want to tell you a huge detail that comes into play almost at the end (although not really the end, just present time). Jarrod has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features. It runs in his family-his mom is diagnosed and has been well for 19 years now thanks to medication, therapy, and support from loved ones. Continuing with where I left off, please keep in mind it was not known for a while that Jarrod was on his way and already showing signs of this horrible "disease" "disorder" whatever you want to call it. It was really hard for me to deal with someone I had fallen in love with doing drugs on a regular basis and from February until March I had turned to alcohol to sooth my pain and stress. Some people very dear to my heart saw this first hand and seen me in a state I didn't want them to see me. There was no reaching me at the time as most of them found out. I didn't know how to talk to anyone so I figured staying out of contact was the best solution so that they wouldn't have to deal with what I was going through. I mean, how do I explain to my best friend that I am with someone who does marijuana and have her support me? EXACTLY. In my eyes at the time. There just was no way in explaining and I didn't want to have to deal with even more stress.

In early March, things got even worse. I had to take Jarrod to the ER after he had done meth and after that it was all downhill until end of May. With bipolar disorder, drugs usually cause the symptoms to show up A LOT faster and A LOT worse, which is very likely what the marijuana and meth had done. It is really hard to explain everything that went on from after that hospital visit up until another hospital visit end of May because it was INSANE to say the absolute least. Bipolar disorder with psychotic features means that he was having hallucinations, delusions, was paranoid. I knew he needed help, but denial is a part of the disorder and up until that life changing hospital visit end of May he was head strong for, "I'm NOT sick, I DON'T need help."

I had basically lost contact with almost everyone I was close to. Again, how do I explain and have the support from these loved ones when I am with someone who obviously needs help, but is refusing? I decided I would strut it out on my own and HOLY COW this was the HARDEST thing I have EVER done in my LIFE. Words do not describe what I went through. The only thing I knew was that I was sticking by him. I was not giving up on him. I was not going to abandon him when I knew he needed help. So I went along with him on a lot of his thoughts even though a lot of them in my mind didn't make any sense. All I knew was that when I pushed getting help down his throat it only made things worse and us farther apart and the last thing I wanting was him to be on his own with no one supporting him nor knowing what was going on with him. So I stuck with him. We moved to my parents house end of May who immediately saw what was going on and have gave me more support and love to the both of us that I can't express my gratitude enough to them! Shortly after the move in was the life saving hospital visit (that is a WHOLE story in itself). With bipolar there is absolutely no way to manage it without medication. He has been on medication since June 1st and has been going to a therapist now for about a month and a half. We meet with him once a week. It has still been rough even since getting treatment. The disorder consumed him and still is to a point. He is getting better everyday, but still get overly anxious and overwhelmed and in the beginning of treatment he literally couldn't do anything because of it. He would lay in bed ALL day. We have come ALONG way since then though and hopefully by Christmas we are hoping he will almost be back to 100% better and be able to finally get a job again! In the end it paid off. Big time for the both of us!

Yes, it paid off. Many people reading this probably know that I quit my job AND school because of all this and are thinking....yeah sounds like it sure paid off. Guess what. I found something more important than a job or a college degree at the time. I found a life that was in need. A life that is cherished and loved by Jesus himself. I found LOVE. I found HAPPINESS. Even in the craziness and the stress, there were times through it all where we laughed and enjoyed the simple things. He is the sweetest guy in the whole world and I absolutely do not regret anything that happened or that I did. No, not everything was a good thing, but it happened and I simply cannot regret it. He expresses everyday how thankful he is for me not giving up on him. I'm excited to see where life takes us from here. I can guarantee it is going to take us very far and very far hand in hand!

P.S DRUG AND ALCOHOL FREE SINCE THAT MARCH ER VISIT! : ) And...check out my new haircut!!

Update Coming Soon

2010-07-15T00:30:00.001-07:00

To everyone who randomly checks my blog to see if I have posted anything new (if in fact you select few are still out there) I promise I will post an update as soon as possible!! Life has been crazy this year to say the absolute least and if I thought God had ever tested and tried me to the max before, He sure outdid himself this time!! : ) I love you all.

Life

2009-08-20T21:56:00.000-07:00

Life. It is such a simple concept and yet, so many of us don't get it. Life is a gift. It is something to be treasured, to be cherished, to be truly LIVED. I don't just mean every hour or two, I mean every second of every day. Many of us take this life for granted. Even if this life here on Earth is only a grain of sand compared to eternity in Heaven, I was not put on this Earth to waste it away, no matter how short our time really is here. We are here on Earth because God wants us to be. We are here to make a difference. We are here to touch lives and be touched. To love and be loved. To explore, go on an adventure, enjoy this beautiful world that is all around us. No, of course there is still sin everywhere, not every place in the world is a pretty sight, but God is there! He is everywhere and that is why every person and every place in this world should not be taken for granted. Life. It can be taken from you at any moment. Heaven. The place we all should strive to be. When we get there, Earth won't even be able to be compared to Heaven. Right now though, most of us aren't there. We are here. And while I am here, I will continue to be a good and loyal servant to my Savior and I will LIVE. Just as I know I am suppose to.

Check It Out!!

2009-06-06T20:44:00.000-07:00

"What good would it do to get everything you want but lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?" -Mark 8:36-37

How dang awesome is that verse? It is pretty much my new favorite verse of all time!! "What good would it do it get everything you want but lose you, the real you?" Oh my gosh. I LOVE it. And right now in my life, It means SOOO much. Hits right at home and lets just say, wow, God never seizes to amaze me with HIS WORD!!! :D :D :D :D

2009-05-31T15:43:00.000-07:00

Currently I am finding comfort in the fact that even though I may not know why I am "here", God knows EXACTLY why I am "here". By "here" I mean where I am in life right now. Sometimes you don't know why you are "here", but there's always a reason. God is the only one who knows the big picture and for now, I'm ok with that. What fun would life be knowing the outcome anyway?? :D

2009-05-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

“There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever."
-Mahatma Gandhi

Could this be any truer? I don't think so. It is interesting to think about and the more I do, the more I realize that worrying is the most pointless thing in the entire universe. I am a follower of Jesus Christ, how could any worry ever fill my heart???? :)

Here You Go Farah :)

2009-05-17T20:38:00.000-07:00

Now you can keep a mental picture of me in your head. Love and miss you dearly!

Peace

2009-05-17T18:16:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how much peace Jesus can bring to ones life...even as it is spiraling out of control.

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”—John 16:33

2009-04-21T20:55:00.001-07:00

I just want to say that God's timing is ALWAYS perfect and ALWAYS right. Don't be mad about things you want that you don't have yet, because in the end, when those things do come around, you will understand why it never happened until now. God knows the best time and I couldn't be more thankful for that.

2009-04-17T21:06:00.000-07:00

I have total faith that the Lord will not let me fall at this time in my life. My heart is in His hands--I know I can't guard my heart on my own so it might as well be protected in the hands of my Savior, the ONLY one who won't let me down.

2009-03-18T20:47:00.001-07:00

For the longest time I've been letting other people decide my worth.

Tonight, Jesus whispered into my ear, "Amanda, I DIED for YOU. That's how much you're really worth."

That hit hard. Jesus decides my worth. No one else.

Worry

2009-02-17T17:20:00.000-08:00

"Not only is worry irrelevant, doing nothing, worry is irreverent, distrusting God." -Max Lucado, Come Thirsty

How true is that. Whenever I'm stressed, have anxiety, or are worried about something I'm going to think of this and begin to slowly put ALL my trust in God. What is there to worry about then? NOTHING. :)

Randommmm

2009-02-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

This is what I am about to do...I'm about to go sit in my lovely comfortable chair in my room from ikea, with a nice warm blanket covering my legs and a pillow behind my back and to the side with a tub of popcorn and have a nice long hour chat with Jesus. I think the popcorn part may add into the already in place routine. :)

A Sigh of Relief

2009-02-16T18:22:00.000-08:00

I have this great book called "Grace for the Moment: Volume II: More Inspirational Thoughts for Each Day of the Year" By Max Lucado. Everyday I wake up in the morning I can't wait to see what the daily little reading is. Before each little excerpt from one of his books there is a verse that kind of sets the tone for what the excerpt is going to be about. Anyway....today's was this:

"God is working in you to help you want to do and be able to do what pleases him."
-Philippians 2:13

I'm not sure if it was the want to do or be able to do part that made me sigh with relief more. I have been (and more than lately) either waking up or going to bed praying that God's will be done in my life. I just want His will be done in every situation in my life. More than wanting it though, I want to FEEL that it is indeed happening. I want to feel like I'm where I need to be, I'm doing what I need to do, I'm saying what I need to say, I'm opening the doors I need to open in HIS name. Maybe it's happening right in front of my eyes, but where's the feeling in my heart? It's there, no doubt, I just need to be silent for a while and listen.

JOY

2009-02-15T18:06:00.000-08:00

Kind of like Farah's love of the word blossom, I have an extreme love for the word joy. I don't know what it is, but I love it. I love saying things like "I choose to find JOY in Jesus today," or "I am so JOYful right now," or" I've got the JOY, JOY, JOY, JOY down in my heart, hey!" Ahhh, it makes me so happy. I even journal-ed about my love of the word joy the other night and man did Jesus sure bring a smile to my face when I started reading my one Psalm of the night right after!!! My Bible names each Psalm and this one they called..."The JOY of Worship in the Temple." Then, as I started reading, this verse struck me...

"My soul longs, indeed it faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh sing for JOY to the living God." -Psalm 84:2

Uhm...did Jesus seriously just bless me with reading the word JOY in His WORD right after I just got done reflecting in my journal on how much I love it. Hmmm, yup He did. It's not just the word joy that strikes me, it's the verse all together. My soul LONGS, it FAINTS...my heart and my flesh SING for JOY to the LIVING God. Love it. :)

2009-02-08T12:14:00.000-08:00

"My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing."
James 1:2-4

God Works in Mysterious Ways

2009-02-03T20:34:00.001-08:00

For some reason I started reading my older blogs...not super older, just ones from the beginning of this new school year and such. Anyway, I got to the one titled " Hate is a Strong Word." and in the comment Farah had posted a couple verses (Psalm 139: 21-22) so of course I looked them up. It wasn't those verses that got me though, it was the verses exactly after them (Psalm 139:23-24) that made me smile! A couple nights ago I was trying to find these verses. I could vaguely remember what they were, not enough to search on google though and I was getting frustrated cause I really knew they were something I needed to read! These are really verses I want to meditate on this week so thank you God for leading me to them!! )

2009-01-31T21:12:00.001-08:00

Whew. It's been a while. I just haven't been in the mood to write I guess, although, if I had been, boy would there have been A LOT of posts about things that have been going on, what I have been learning, feeling, etc., etc.!

I just finished my January Class on Friday, it was 16th century England. Quite the change of pace from science, science, science all fall. Remember PLU has that weird "J-term" where we take one 4 credit class the whole month before spring semester. Anyway, history it was. I was really excitied before, I thought I was going to enjoy something different than science. WRONG! Science is proving more and more to be where my heart is. Give me some chemical reactions to figure out, but PLEASE don't tell me to write a 6 page paper on Utopia by Thomas More. Oh gosh! :)

Anyway, I start spring semester on Thursday, so I have a nice 5 day break before Organic Chemistry, Biology, and Physics will once again consume my life as in the fall! My spring semester is the EXACT same as my fall semester because it is the second half of everything I took then (minus an aerobics class and plus a discussion class for biology). Pretty much the same though!

Life has been interesting spiritually for me for the past couple months. The only thing I am certain about right now is that God has been testing me and trying me. I've been overwhelmed with certain feelings, good and bad. In the end, I ALWAYS come up with one thing, and that is finding joy in Jesus. Never fails, never will, and I'm holding on to that with all my strength.

That's just a little update for now. Maybe more later. Love ya Farah and miss you. :) I hope everyone in your family had GREAT birthday's this month and ya'll ate lots of cake and ice cream!

45,000 Seconds

2008-12-17T23:41:00.000-08:00

I have my last final (physics :/ ) tomorrow from 10-12, which is approximately 45,000 seconds from now. 45,000 seconds from now not only means that I will officially be on break, but more importantly I will GET TO HANG OUT WITH MY BEST FRIEND EVERYDAY ALL DAY FOR 3 WEEKS. You have no idea what that means to me. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Eye Contact

2008-12-03T19:19:00.000-08:00

I love when random thoughts like this come into my mind.

So, you know the saying, "Keep your eyes on the prize." Well, that saying made me think of the story of Peter walking on water (my absolute favorite story from the Bible, by the way). The minute he took his eyes off of Jesus, what happened? He began sinking. I made the connection from the saying to this story because it just made me think...Jesus is our prize, we just need to keep our eyes on Him!

Structure and Busyness

2008-11-30T13:42:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday and the end of a 4 day break from school thanks to Thanksgiving. But to tell the truth, I absolutely cannot wait until tomorrow when I will have to get up at 6 in the morning to make it to my first class by 8. It's funny because school really is overwhelming right now and takes up all my time, but then as soon as I'm on some sort of break, like right now, and I get to do whatever I want, sleep in, lay around the house and do nothing but watch T.V. and eat ice cream, I get anxious to go back to school! I don't realize how much I actually love the structure and busyness school brings to my life until I'm bored out of my mind not knowing what to do without it!!

Silence

2008-11-23T19:48:00.001-08:00

You have no idea how much I love this song right now...and Joy Williams in general.

Silence
Joy Williams

Are You listening
To anything that I say
‘Cause I've been praying
How many prayers can I pray
I’m still waiting
Maybe You’ll show up today
I know You’re here, but I can’t feel You
And if You’re speaking, I can’t hear You
How much longer will this last

So okay
Answer me with silence
It’s okay
If You don’t say a word
You’re testing me to trust You’ll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence

Why do I question
Your intentions for me
When Your affection
Is a proven legacy
Oh Father, Father
Turn my fears into peace
I know Your love will never leave
I know You want what’s best for me

So okay
Answer me with silence
It's ok if You dont say a word
Cause You’re testing me to trust You’ll be faithful in this quiet

Oh, it’s okay
If You answer me with silence
And it’s okay if You don’t say a word
You’re testing me to trust You’ll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence

2008-11-17T14:07:00.001-08:00

I choose to find joy in Jesus this week. Something I threw on the ground and stomped on last week. Not fun and not going back there because well, it's not where I am meant to be. :)

2008-11-13T23:18:00.001-08:00

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirt."
-Psalm 34:18

I want to climb the highest mountain and scream, "GOD, WHERE ARE YOU?"

I Won't Give Up

2008-11-06T22:50:00.000-08:00

I have been praying EVERY SINGLE day for a bunch of people in my life that do not know the Lord. I would have to use more than my fingers and toes to count how many people I know (some for almost my whole life, some I have just met) that I know have not come to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. This has really struck my heart the past couple weeks and I have been buckling down about praying about it. This week at Fusion ( the high school group at my church) the pastor was talking about how lately his heart is aching for people to come to know the Lord, like he really wants to witness it soon. I am in this EXACT same spot. Like, you have no idea. My heart is literally aching for some people. I don't know what it is though, I can't explain the feeling, but I know, oh I know with all my heart, that sometime in all these people's lives, when God has prepared their hearts for just the right moment, an opportunity will arise and they will see the light, they will see the truth. Whether it is soon or years from now. Whether I am still in their lives or not (Oh Lord I hope I am), whether I witness it or not. I have total faith and trust in Jesus that one day, He will be their Savior too.

I won't give up.

2008-10-31T07:18:00.001-07:00

Halloween's only fun when you're 5.
Good thing I am 5 in spirit!!
Now where's the candy?
:)

How You Doin'?

2008-10-29T14:48:00.001-07:00

I'm doing just great, thank you!
:)

Prayer Request

2008-10-26T12:43:00.001-07:00

I don't know what it is, but I hate asking people to pray for me. I know it shouldn't be something to be ashamed of, but for me, it's like the equivalent of asking my parents for money, I really don't like it! But I really need this...

Anyway, I guess this goes out to the 2 or 3 people who read my blog haha.

I'm bored with life. I was lying in my bed last night and all I could think of was, this is it? This is where my life is right now? Really? Shouldn't life be exciting? Well it's not, and I'm bored. Maybe i'm just having a weird little phase. Maybe it's cause school is overwheliming right now because of all the work and I barely do anything anymore. I don't know. All I know is I don't want to do anything dumb so my request is that you will pray that I don't do anything stupid to make my life more exciting. Lord only knows what that would be. And also be praying that I find joy and happiness in the Lord, cause right now, I don't know where I am.

2008-10-25T11:31:00.001-07:00

I have really buckled down about praying for my friends that do not know Jesus EVERY SINGLE DAY. I used to pray maybe once a week about it. Lately though, I have come to realize how serious this really is. I have a lot of friends that have not accepted Jesus, most are friends I have known for almost my whole life, some are friends I have just met recently. It is breaking my heart more than ever though. Not merely because I don't want them to have to endure the eternal sufferings of Hell because I LOVE them, but I want to celebrate with them the eternal joys of Heaven because I LOVE them. My heart is heavy and yet light at the same time...

"Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than we can ask or imagine?" Eph. 3:20

I'm letting my imagination take over and am simply imagining the unimaginable. It's about time to make room for some miracles in my life (and other people's lives as well).

In A Crowd

2008-10-23T17:23:00.000-07:00

My physics class is two hours long so between the two hours we get a 5-10 minute break. Usually during the break I get up and go to the bathroom and just stretch my legs and such, but today I decided to stay seated and just talk to God the whole break. I tried to block out the background noise of classmates talking and laughing, but it's kind of hard. As I was sitting there I was thinking, wow, I'm having an intimate conversation with the one and only God, the creator of the universe, and these people, scattered around me, have no idea that this is going on right next to them.

2008-10-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

Hate is a Strong Word

2008-10-21T21:33:00.001-07:00

I hate sin. I hate it so much right now. Sometimes I love it, not even going to lie. There are sins out there that are hard to get away from because they are fun or desireable. Right now though. Uhhh I can't stand sin, let alone Satan. I hate that he can lead people away from God. It's so unfair that we have this constant battle in us between good and evil. It's even more unfair for people who haven't accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and savior and thus do not have the holy spirit. I am so irritated right now. If Satan was standing in front of me right now, oh boy he better watch out, because I am one pissed off girl who takes power aerobics (AKA kickboxing) and I ain't afraid to lay one on him.

At the same time I'm joyful. Because I am praying to the one and only God who is bigger than all this.

A Week in the Life of Amanda Rose Otis and a Litte Bit More

2008-10-18T21:53:00.001-07:00

Whew. It's Saturday. The weekend. A time to relax and catch up on sleep right? Well, I definitely caught up on sleep today ( 12 hours :) ), but the relaxing part, you can forget it! The minute I woke up, I was doing homework! Basically to update you (Farah) on my life, I am gonna give you a little rundown of my week. Here is goes, take a deep breath!

Monday:
Every Monday I wake up at 6:00 am, get ready, and am out the door by 7:25, no later. If I leave any later the line of cars at the stop light right by my house has tripled. It's amazing what can change in 1 minute. :) I get to PLU at 7:45, hop out my car, and speed walk to my 8:00 Organic Chemistry class all the way across campus. I listen to Dr. Yakelis for an hour and then bam, speed walking to my 9:15 Biology class. I draw for an hour while the noise of Dr. Carlson's voice almost puts me to sleep. At 10:20 I am finally free from glycolysis and metablism nonesense, and finally get a couple hours to just read in the library (or finish up any homework due that day that I didn't finish the night before, oops :) ). Then at 12:30, I am off to my power aerobics class, thank the LORD my last day is Wednesday of next week! After sweating my booty off for an hour, I can finally head home to do homework! Yay! The rest of the night usually consists of homework or naps, or more homework, and then bed by 12 or 1.

Tuesday:
Some Tuesdays I wake up at 6 to go get get coffee (or just chat) with my friend Julia at Cafe Adamo at 8 and some Tuesdays I wake up at 8 so that I can make it to my one and only class on this day, a two hour physics class. Then it is back home to do homework for 6 hours straight ( noon until 6) so that I can make it to Fusion where I am a high school leader!!! Sometimes 6 hours straight won't do and I miss Fusion, or i'll have an exam on Wednesday and will have to miss it to. It's hard to have to prioritize school over something I am passionate about (all my high school girls!!). It happens I guess. Fusion usually goes until 8:30 and then on lucky nights, when I even make it to Fusion with all my homework complete, it is off to George's (high school youth pastor's) house for some prayer, fun talks, and none other than watching some episodes of The Office! After that, bed time at around 12 or 1 again.

Wednesday:
This day is similar to Monday, except one small, no HUGE difference. Organic Chemistry Lab from 1:45 until 6:00. Somedays I get done earlier than 6. Count your blessings, eh? :) After O.chem lab I am so worn out I am ready to head to bed as soon as I make it home! That is, if I don't have homework, hah!

Thursday:
This day is similar to Tuesday, except I have my bio lab from 1:50 to 4:30. After that I usually meet up with Meagan until Mosaic, or do homework, and then go to Mosaic, or do homework and don't go to Mosaic, haha, it depends on if I am feeling motivated or not. :) After that, bed time usually earlier than 12, YES!

Friday:
Similar to Mondays again, but then after aerobics I have physics lab from 1:45 to 4:45, which I dread every week. This night is usually hang out night with lots o' fun people.

Saturday:
Homework day.

Sunday:
Church at 11:11 with the fam. Chill until around 3:30 and then head over to Bethany South Hill at 4 for set up. Church service at 6 and then tear down until around 8.

Well, I'll tell you one thing. This school year the LORD has definitely been teaching me time management. And I don't mean just with being able to finish my homework. I mean being able to find time for Him, ALWAYS. Usually it's on the way to school in the morn. I turn down the music and just talk or I keep silent and just listen. It's in the library when I can't focus on reading. It's in my room at night when I am about to go to sleep. It's walking to my next class. It's in class. In fact, I can almost say, it's anywhere, anytime, anyday. He's there to listen and I want to be there to talk.

My life could not be more fast paced this year. But I am loving every minute of it. Yeah, school's tough, but I am meeting a lot of awesome new people this year. And also at Fusion. I LOVE high schoolers and I LOVE being able to be apart of their lives as they are apart of mine.

What has God been teaching me lately?
Patience.
The power of prayer.
Finding joy in Him is a choice that I need to make EVERYDAY.
His grace is sufficient.

My journey this summer was one that changed me forever.
Gods doing something big and I can't wait to see what it is.

Brilliant

2008-07-07T16:48:00.000-07:00

I think this is Meagan and my favorite word right now. Brilliant. Everything going on in our lives right now is pure brilliance. And I credit all the brilliance to HIM! There is no other word in the english dictionary that describes what I feel about God right now besides calling Him brilliant. Of course, no word really does justice, so it is the best we can come up with. He is further writing on my heart that His plan is more brilliant than ANYTHING I could ever think up for myself.

Remember the Good Ol' Days?

2008-06-30T18:52:00.001-07:00

Pssh, here's to the days ahead because they just keep getting better and better! Life could not be any more perfect...and I am not exaggerating. God is really keeping me on my toes lately, but in a good way! Visiting Meagan at her new job at Forza, going to the high school youth group "Merge" on Tuesday, our college youth group "Mosaic" on Thursday, and then driving all the way to Westport and back (a 7 hour drive basically) on Friday, hanging out with our (meagan and I's) 3 and 4 year olds class on Sunday, and getting the art stuff ready for the classes next Sunday today! This week can only get better, I am anticipating every day like no other! I am keeping myself busy and enjoying every moment of it. I don't even know how many people I met this past week. At least 20! And I love every single one of them. The retreat to Westport...which we left early from...long story...was amazing in every way even though Meag, Alex (the guy who drove us there and back) and I only stayed for 2 hours. We ended up getting to know all the other leaders a little bit more, doing some worship, hearing a message about being servants, and then going to the beach at midnight and looking at the most spectacular array of stars I have EVER seen. GORGEOUS! Best part, all this is making me come out of my shell a little but more. We had a bonfire at my house on Saturday with family and I guess later that night my mom's cousin told my mom that I had grown into a very confident young lady! WHAT?!? NOONE has ever called me confident...or at least noticed it in the way I spoke because I am usually shy and reserved. I can only thank the Lord for this, for I have been praying about this A LOT lately and he is definitely showing me himself in myself! I can see him working in me and it is the coolest thing ever! I am so joyful! Praise the Lord, for HE IS GOOD!

When my mind is going 100 mph...

2008-06-23T18:58:00.000-07:00

...a talk with God is...amusing! :) So much has happened in my life since the last time I posted a whole darn month ago! I am getting more involved at Bethany Baptist Church every day I swear and it is so wonderful! I help in the Lambs class ( 3 and 4 year olds) with Meagan every Sunday and this next Sunday will be our first time teaching and I am sure I can speak for both of us when I say we are pumped! The kids in the that class are so adorable! We went to the launch party BBQ for Bethany South (the new campus we are starting, first service is on September 14th) last night and it was so amazing! Meagan, T and I signed up to be a part of the road crew which is basically tear down and set up crew since it will be inside a Jr. high school. While we were signing up we got asked by the high school youth group leader (the senior pastor's son) if we wanted to be high school leaders because they need girls who are out of high school to come and build relationships with the girls in high school that go! So tomorrow night we are going and I am so stoked! Usually I would be kind of reluctant about this kind of stuff because I am so shy, but not this time, I am so, so, so excited! It just feels right, I don't even know how to explain it, but God is really working in my life and is definitely trying to help me find my passions! God's timing is so perfect! I just don't even know what else to say, everything is perfect. :)

Free as a Bird

2008-05-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was officially my last day of school!! I had my last final at 1 and then checked out of the orphanage at 5! :) I called my dorm the orphanage because that is what it felt like I was in! Especially since it was an all girl's dorm. I am so happy I will never have to live in one of those again! Onward to apartment life! It still feels unreal that I am finished with my first year of college, it went by super fast, but I couldn't be happier that it is the summer. I'm not really sure what to expect this summer, but I am pretty positive it is going to be wonderful. One of my goals this summer is to learn something new. Meagan and I are planning to become more musically inclined, haha, so that could be just the thing. Anyway I thought I would leave off with a list of things I learned this school year:

1. Just because you live in a dorm does not mean you are guarunteed buttloads of friends
2. Saying you aren't going to procrastinate, does not really help you in not procrastinating
3. You can still manage to get good grades despite procrastinating
4. It's called going to class not going to school
5. They are called professors (or doctors) not teachers
6. It's called an exam not a test
7. There is A LOT of new college lingo you have to learn!
8. Professors aren't scary at all, especially religion ones, despite my ideas about them!
9. College life get's so much better when you have things to do on nights without homework...i.e. Mosaic, although I went there even when I did have homework (and exams the next day :))
10.Classes are easier when you have someone to study with! I am so thankful I made a friend in my Calculus class basically the first day! We helped each other so much in that class!
11. Finals are less stressful when you keep your eyes on Jesus
12. Summer is so much more glorious when the year has been glorious as well.

:)

God is so cool! :)

2008-05-20T21:08:00.000-07:00

My dad was just explaining to me how he prayed about my chemistry grade today. He prayed that I would get a B- instead of the C I have been expecting out of that class. This semester of chemistry has been way more challenging than last semesters (I got a high B+ fall semester)! Anyway, the weird thing, today I was looking online at all the work that had been posted in the gradebook for chemistry and added everything up and it came out to be a B-!! Right after that I called my mom's cellphone to tell her since I have been saying that I was expecting a C all this time so I was just excited to tell her that I might be getting a B-! My dad ended up answering because my mom was busy with a customer and so I ended up telling him about it instead. That is why it is so cool that my dad just told me this. He was like, "Did you know I prayed about your grade today...before you even called to say you may be getting a B-!" We both just thought that was the coolest thing ever! God just continues to show himself in my life (and my parents') and it is way awesome!!

8 days. :)

2008-05-14T22:04:00.000-07:00

I have two days of classes left, (tomorrow and Friday), the weekend (Saturday and Sunday), and then a final on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. After that it is offcially time to celebrate because I will have finished my first year of college! Not to mention the fact that Meagan, Katy, and I just got an apartment and will be moving in end of June! So stoked! All I need is this job at Costco and all will be glorious in the world! Trusting God will provide financially this next year from now is definitely going to be my struggle and I know I am going to learn a lot. No matter where I go this next year, all glory to our God who is so good!!

Would it be worth it?

2008-05-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, in my Christian Theology class, there was an interesting discussion. Everyday in class we basically discuss the chapter or pages we have been reading in our current book. For the past week we have been reading a book titled, "Why Christian?" by Douglas John Hall. At first I found it quite interesting and pretty good, but as I kept reading, I was like, wait a minute what is this guy saying? This is the quote from his chapter "Saved from what?--For what," that we talked about in class yesterday and we were asked to agree or disagree with his statement about salvation (I disagreed and I will get to that later):

"I am entirely convinced that "salvation" as presented in the Bible and in the best traditions of Christian faith, does not mean being saved from our mortality, our finitude, our human creatureliness; nor does it mean being saved for an otherwordly state, immortality, heaven"

In the rest of the chapter--at least what I got from it--he goes on to explain almost how Jesus came to "let us have life, and have it abundantly." He doesn't really talk about sin, but rather how the problem with mankind is us having this life that is purposeless and meaningless and the goal of salvation is not the reconciliation with God and humanity, but health and wholeness. Now, for me, I was shocked at his explantion of salvation. I didn't understand how he could explain salvation without ever mentioning Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. I feel like his explanation only has part of what salvation is. I do think that Jesus could have also came in order for us to find meaning and purpose in Him, but wouldn't that be impossible unless we first recognize the sacrifice He made for us in order for us to be forgiven and thus no longer seperated from God?

This brings up a point about the quote above. I do not agree with the part that says, "nor does it mean being saved for an otherwordly state, immortality, heaven." A lot of people in class brought up that it would be selfish to be saved for heaven and the question of, "If somehow it was known that heaven was not real, would being a Christian have been worth it?" My answer is yes, for I think a Christian lifestyle is a great way to live ones life, but at the same time, I don't think it is even possible to take the heaven out of Christianity without taking away a lot of other things out and thus almost taken away Christianity altogether. Now about the quote. The reason I think we are saved for heaven is because I believe God sent Jesus in order for us to have a relationship with Him eternally in heaven. At the same time though, I know this is a gift. None of us deserve heaven in the first place, but because of Jesus' sacrifice for us, we are no longer seperated from God. We can cross this bridge made possible through Jesus. I think it is also safe to say that most people do not come Christian's because of what they hear about heaven. I am sure this is not true for everyone, but I think most people hear about God's everlasting love before even the mention of heaven. I know that if I were going to tell someone about Christianity the first things out of my mouth would not be, "You should highly consider Christianity because of this awesome place called heaven!" No way! The first things would be about the good news of Christ!! It is almost as if to say, yes we are saved for heaven without even knowing it!

I think that Hall becomes right, AFTER you first know that salvation deals with accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. This is where the meaning and purpose come from. The Holy Spirit is now present in you, and you are ready to live a life after the heart of God and of other people! This is where salvation becomes functional in this lifetime, while at the same time you can look ahead to what is coming.

There is so much more I could have said and want to say. I don't even know if I said what I wanted to say how I wanted to say it. But there you go...I said it anyway!

Not Once, Not Twice, but Three Times!

2008-04-29T12:02:00.000-07:00

As I wrote in a blog a couple weeks ago, our new series at church is called, To Catch A Thief: The Things That Rob Us. This past Sunday Pastor George talked about how "dead faith" can rob us. He specifically focused on the verse, "Faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead." (James 2:17 NRsV). For my Christian Theology class I had to read 20 or so pages in this book for class on Monday that Sunday. That verse showed up in the reading. Then today I started the reading due tomorrow in that class in a totally different book, and what do you know, that verse showed up again! Third times a charm. :) God sure wanted to make sure that sunk in my heart that is for sure!

2008-04-22T15:48:00.001-07:00

I am going to keep my eyes and focus on Jesus.
I am going to keep my eyes and focus on Jesus.
I am going to keep my eyes and focus on Jesus.
I am going to keep my eyes and focus on Jesus.
I am going to keep my eyes and focus on Jesus.
I am going to keep my eyes and focus on Jesus.
I am going to keep my eyes and focus on Jesus.

They say you have to do something 7 times before it becomes a habit. Obviously writing this does not make what the sentence says a habit for me, it is just more so a visual of what's up in the life of Amanda. :D

For Farah's Sake :)

2008-04-14T13:48:00.000-07:00

I had spring break about 2 weeks ago, haha. Went to the ocean with Meagan, Jaeda, Kim, and Kelsey. It was cold, but fun nonetheless. We mostly talked about guys. What can ya do? :)

Anyway. Last night I ended my lovely chat with God with, "God, I am ready for something extraordinary, so bring it on!" Extraordinary is a weird word don't you think? I mean...extra and oridnary. Ordinary according to Webster's dictionary means: usual, normal, common, and plain. BUT put that with extra and you get: out of the usual, surprising, and exceptional. I'll take it.

Just started a new series at church called "To Catch a Thief: Things that rob us." It is based off of John 10:10 and we are working out of James. So far, I really like it AND what makes me even more excited is that my parents are excited and they love the pastor. Pastor George suggested to read 5 chapters of Proverbs every week through this series and they seemed like they were going to try and tackle it. It makes me smile from ear to ear! My parents have been coming to Bethany with me since we started going the first week in March! Hmmm, life is great! Just got back from my low impact aerobics class and it's time for lunch and then nap time! Woohoo!

2008-04-09T10:55:00.000-07:00

I want to meet John the Almsgiver. Went to a lecture about him last night. He seems like a pretty cool guy! Haha.

2008-04-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

"You cannot expect to be victorious if the day begins with your own strength."

Found this random quote on the facebook bumper sticker application and liked it haha. I have no idea what the person whoever wrote it meant, but to me it meant that you need to start the day with God's strength. I like it. :)

2008-03-31T20:44:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love it when God sneaks up on me and makes me smile when I least expect it. The littlest things He does to make us smile are often times the best. :)

Enough

2008-03-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Borders. I love that store, well moreso the books in the store. I got one book, just another one to add to the always growing "waiting line" of books I have bought and want to read. I'm so horrible at that. It's funny because usually I go straight to the Christianity section, today though, I didn't. I went to the medical section, another favorite of mine. My cousin had told me about this author, Oliver Sacks, who is a neurologist, and said his books are very captivating. I found a book I thought I wanted to get by him and THEN made my way over to the Christianity section. I looked there for maybe 15 minutes. A couple books caught my eye, but none worth buying I thought. Sometimes when I am in that section I think, wouldn't I just be better off reading the Bible? I went with yes, and wandered back over to the medical section, looked for 10 minutes and ended up buying, " Surviving the Extremes: What happens to the body and mind at the limits of human endurance." By: Kenneth Kamler, M.D, which was obviously not even the author I had planned to buy. I'm so indecisive. I'm sure i'll go back soon to buy an Oliver Sacks book to add to the "waiting line".

Anyway, I have been very thoughtful lately. Well, God has been speaking to me lately, which in turn has made me very thoughtful. Everyday I pray for Him to show Himself to me and oh boy has he. My heart is wandering right now. Not away from the Lord, but it's confused. It doesn't know what it wants or where it should be. It doesn't know it's passions or desires. This...scares the crap out of me. I don't like the feeling. I have felt this before, but I don't think it has ever been this bad. I know where I would like my passions and desires to be, but I don't feel it or actually I don't feel it's enough and maybe and most likely, it isn't. My heart is tired. Tired of only satisfying my spiritual needs I guess. It's not fulfiling I am finding out. I love being in tune with the Lord and all these words before this aren't saying I'm not, I'm just saying, it's not satisfying. It's not enough. I love my church, Bethany Baptist, and I am so thankful the Lord lead me and so many others there. I feel at home finally. Again though, it's not enough. Well ok Amanda, what are you trying to say? What will be enough then?

Bottom line, I want to impact people. It's as simple as that. I'm done living my comfortable ( and a lot of times uncomfortable) "Christian lifestyle". It will never be enough to surround myself in this lifestyle, even though it brings me great joy. I know what would bring me greater joy and that's hanging out with the lost and the broken. Surrounding myself with people who just need someone to listen. Who just need someone to be their friend. Who just need someone to tell them not about my great love for them, but Jesus' great love for them. I would trade in everything and I mean everything, if I could impact just one, just ONE person's life. I want other people to know what it's like to be loved unconditionally. To be able to feel God's presence like I have felt God's presence. To smile everytime the name Jesus is said. I want people who don't know what it's like TO know what it's like. It would be the most selfish thing I could do to keep this to myself. For me to know what it feels like to have a relationship with Christ and not share it. That's why my heart is wandering right now. It's in search of people. Anyone and everyone. It's passion and desires are people. That is what has been missing. I sat back and thought going to school, becoming a surgeon, getting involved in a church, living the "Christian lifestyle, were my hearts desires, and where I still think they are and can be, I was missing a big chunk, and maybe the most important one.

Now here's something I have to bring up. I say this, but in fact, this other lifestyle would bring me so much out of my comfort zone, I don't even know how to live it. This is where I have to lean more on God than I ever have before. For me to be able to do this I know that God has to simply be enough in my life. I know I can do anything through His grace alone, but sharing Jesus, this is something I know a lot of us sturggle with. It's probably my greatest struggle. And not only that, not even sharing His love with people, just talking to people in general has never been my strong point. I know I can show compassion towards people though, I know with time I could get to know someone, help them, be a friend, listen, talk, enjoy them, love them. The past two messages at Mosaic have spoke to my heart greatly and have pretty much been about reaching out, escaping our little Christian community and doing something! It just simply isn't enough to bask in our Christian community and be at a spiritual high always. To talk and learn and grow from our Christian friends. It's not enough and God has began to show me this. Slowly, but surely He has been changing my heart from the inside out.

I always pray for Him to change my heart, no matter what it feels like in the process. My wandering heart is just part of the process and He is slowly showing it where to go.

2008-03-26T12:38:00.000-07:00

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you pend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Be good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Just a quick update.

2008-03-16T21:21:00.001-07:00

Here's the deal. This past week/weekend (counting today) have been amazing. The message at Mosaic on Thursday was amazing as well as the message at church today. Meagan, Talicia, Katy, and I have taken on the extreme sport of longboarding as of this weekend...random we know, but it is basically the best idea EVER. We can't wait until summer and longboarding along the waterfront. Sigh. I want sun, but no worries life is still great! :D

New favorite quote alert!

2008-03-07T18:25:00.000-08:00

"Because God is with you all the time, no place is any closer to God than the place where you are right now."
--The Purpose Driven Life: What On Eath Am I Here For?

Good outlook or bad outlook???

2008-03-07T12:09:00.000-08:00

As I was walking to math today, to take my second exam of the day, I got to thinking about my outlook on these types of situations. Earlier today I took my chemistry exam...totally blew it. It was a lot harder than I was expecting and lets just say my grade on that exam is probably not going to be to dandy. The thing is though, is that I try to get in my head that grades are not everything, there is SO much more to life than being perfect in school. This is not to say that I don't want to get good grades and all the jazz, BUT when I happen to not do so swell, I don't want to get down about it, I just want to be like, whatever happens, happens. I kind of feel like if God wanted me to ace that chemistry exam he would have helped me do that, but who knows. When it comes to school right now, i'm focused, but then i'm not. I don't know where this will lead me or where God will lead me, but I am hoping and trust that in the end, even with this horrible grade I am going to receive on my first chemistry exam, everything will turn out great and it will not make me stumble in my walk with God. It just makes me think, is my unfocusedness in chemistry part of Gods plan to show me this is not what I should be doing, haha, or do I really need to pick my game up??? I guess this can be something to pray about in mine, Meagan, T, and Katys ONE HOUR ONE A.M. prayer session on Saturday that I am totally stoked for! Haha. :D

By the way, I totally redeemed myself with my math exam. Aced that sucker. It's a miracle because if you know me, you know I DESPISE math with a passion, but I am actually enjoying math more than chemistry right now and doing a lot better, woot woot. :D

I choose God...and sleep

2008-03-05T18:50:00.000-08:00

It's 7:00 here and I am about to go to bed. Today is my longest day of the week and last night I only got 5 hours of sleep so I am worn out! While I was brushing my teeth I was picturing someone saying to me, "You can sleep when you're dead!!" It made me smile a little because actually, the moment I die, is the moment I will come alive.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him."
- Psalm 62:1

2008-03-03T18:41:00.000-08:00

"Work in my life this week, show me something I don't know yet."
This is straight out of my journal last night. This morning my mom called me to inform me that Paul Hageman, a family friend, died of a heart attack last Saturday. He is survived by his wife Selma and their two kids. I would housesit/dog-sit/horse-sit for them whenever they went out of town and I am extremely saddened that this happened. He was a doctor, as Selma was also. I have always looked at death kind of on the bright side. Always thinking, our suffering here on Earth is nothing compared to the joyous occasion of spending eternity in heaven. Always thinking, when a person dies, it was God's will and good will prevail over evil in the end. Always thinking, be happy, for times of suffering are usually the times we shall grow closer to God. As I do think these are all good things to think, I was kind of shrugging off the thought and heartbreak of death a little. Not thinking much of it, trying to go around it. Not thinking about actually comforting the family, loving them, suffering there with them and only thinking about saying a couple things to them and hoping to make everything better. I thought these things all without being in that situation, and now, knowing that Selma heard the thump of her husband fall in the bathroom and when she finally got the door open (for he was wedged up against the door) she felt his pulse only to feel nothing, I cannot help, but want to cry with her.

2008-02-26T23:11:00.000-08:00

"Test me, LORD, and try me,
examine my heart and my mind."
--Psalm 26:2

The first time I read this verse, it kind of shocked me, scared me a little to0. At first I was kind of like, no don't test me or try me, that gives me the opportunity to FAIL! But then, I read it again, and it settled nicely, for the LORD is on my side anyway. :D

Scratch that

2008-02-25T14:15:00.000-08:00

I was planning on posting a blog today about what we discussed in my christian theology class today, like, Does everything in the world happen according to God's will, does God intervene in our life or does He not intervene, stuff about prayer and does everything happen for a reason types of things. WHOA! It was a heated discussion today let me tell ya. A lot of times people had a hard time justifying their point because really there are A LOT of things we don't know for sure and that is actually my point I want to talk about right now. We are reading the second chapter in this book we are reading now and it talks about abortion, homosexuality, and other things like that. Honestly I am kind of frustrated at the moment. One because I know there are going to be questions that God will never reveal to us. We can sit and debate all day and try to really have a yes or no answer at the end, but I don't really think that will get us anywhere and don't necessarily think it is possible. I know there are Bible verses that you can state totally go against abortion and homosexuality and I totally agree with these verses, but SO many other things come into play and it all kind of goes back to God's will and does everything happen for a reason, why did God allow this to happen, and so on. Am I making sense, probably not haha.

Without unanswered questions there would be no such thing as FAITH! I love having faith, I know many people who don't understand how people can have so much faith, but I think a relationship can become very intimate when faith comes into play. Anyway, my point is, all these questions in class, I just want to yell, "I don't know, but I am OK with that for I trust God!" The thing is though, is that this class seems to be all about thinking and justifying WHY you think that. Why, why, why?!? I'm more about building up my relationship with God, learning, growing, experiencing, living out my purpose, glorifying God in everything I do, etc. not trying to answer "big" questions!

Yes, this post is a little crazy I know. :D

Hillsong

2008-02-24T21:32:00.000-08:00

WOW! I jus bought a Hillsong Cd today. I am in love. I love worship music, it rocks my socks off!

Beholding your beauty is all I long for
To worship You Jesus with my soul's desire
For this very heart you've shaped for your pleasure
The purpose to lift your name high
Hear and surrender in pure adoration
I enter your courts with an offering of praise
I am Your servant come to bring you glory
As is fit for the work of your hands
Chorus:
Now unto the lamb who sits on the throne
Be glory and honor and praise
All of creation resounds with the song
Worship and praise him the Lord of Lords
Verse 2:
The spirit now living and dwelling within me
Keep my eyes fixed ever upon Jesus' face
Let not the things of this world ever sway me
I'll run 'till I finish the race
Chorus 2:
Singing unto the lamb who sits on the throne
Be glory and honor and praise
All of creation resounds with the song
Worship and praise the Lord
Now unto the lamb who sits on the throne
Be glory and honor and praise
All of eternity echoes the song
Worship and praise him the Lord of Lords
Bridge:
Holy Lord
You are Holy
Jesus Christ is the Lord
Chorus 3:
Now unto the lamb who sits on the throne
Be glory and honor and praise
Call all the saints to join in the song
Worship and praise him the Lord of Lords
Ending:
Lord of Lords
Lord of Lords
Lord of Lords

I am planning to post a a longer post tomorrow about what we are talking about in my Christian Theology course, we are actually getting into the deeper stuff now. Controversies and big questions that make me think! AHH!

My food for thought for the day

2008-02-20T12:52:00.001-08:00

I have been learning a lot in my Christian Theology course. We just finished reading all the Gospels, concluding today with the Gospel of John. Kind of interesting how when reading it for a class and having the professor ask you questions about each one it makes you realize so much more about the Gospels. I mean, yeah I have read through them all before, but for my own purposes. This was kind of the point we have been making in class lately. That it kind of depends on who you are and where you are as a person and also what each author was trying to portray in their Gospel in how you are going to perceieve what is being said. I never noticed before how incredibly different each Gospel is, especially John aside from Mark, Matthew and Luke. Today in class we were asked which gospel we thought was "right", Mark or John since both are nearly opposites and portray Jesus in totally different ways. I sided with John as did the majority of the class, but it was interesting to hear as to why people choose either. The point was brought up many times, that each of the two Gospels certainly had truth, like the point is not that either are wrong, just they each are written by different people with different perspectives on Jesus and His life. I brought up the point that a lot of people might like the Gospel of John and think it is the right one over others mainly because it has more of a chance to impact people and that it seems to be our objectives these days is to have people be saved and John definitley gets the point across in so many verses on exatly what you have to do to get eternal life. Also bringing up that John 3:16 is probably one of the most well know verses in the whole bible and is said to be the "heart of the bible." It was really interesting though to think, you know, it does depend on how you were brought up and where you are in the way you are going to interpret the bible.

I lied...I do have a valentine today.

2008-02-14T11:50:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream that I was dating Daniel Radcliff, the guy who plays Harry Potter. So, with that being said, I have decided that he shall be my valentine for today! Haha. :D

Happy Valentines Day!

2008-02-14T07:23:00.000-08:00

Woke up today to the most beautiful sunset ever (pinks and oranges)! Lost is on tonight! I only have one class today, anthropology, which I am actually finding quite interesting. We got candy outside our dorm room, while also distriputing some to our "hall mates" as well! It is my parents' 22nd anniversary! :D There are many things about today that have already made it great and I know are going to make this day great despite that fact that a lot of people hate valentines day when they are "single". I love many people in my life though and even though valentines day seems to be considered a "couples" holiday, I say poo on that! I love the LORD, my family, my friends, and many people in between! I will not focus on not being able to spend it with a significant other, rather I will focus on this verse...

"We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19

Simple, but sweet. :D

2008-02-12T13:01:00.000-08:00

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
--Mark Twain

Interesting I must say...don't really know how to take this quote, but I thought I would share.

On another note, Lately I have begun to come to the realization that it doesn't matter how much "religious" knowledge you have. It doesn't matter if you know the Gospels up and down or you have 50 bible verses memorized. As I do think it is important to read the bible and understand Jesus' life and so forth, I don't think this is at the top of the list of God's eyes. Honestly, I have read the Bible a lot of times just so that I would KNOW more because sometimes people make it seem like a competition. I once had someone, who wasn't a Christian, tell me that they probably knew more about Christianity than I did, among many other things that were said. Back then when this was said to me, I was kind of taken a back by this, thinking you know what, they are right and from then on I had this mind set of trying to gain more knowledge just for the hell of it. I laugh at that now.

I am sure most people have heard the saying, "It's not a religion, it's a relationship." Oh how I love that. Yeah, maybe that person who said that to me so long ago was right, they did have more knowledge, but all in all, what really matters is how much I had come to know God, not how much I had come to know the Bible front and back. I no longer read the Bible in order to gain more knowledge, I read it moreso for the heart. Even though I am still gaining knowledge by doing this, it is defnitely not my main purpose or purpose at all. I just want to know God and let my heart be changed by Him everyday. It's a beautiful thing. :D

Psalm 19

2008-02-10T21:20:00.000-08:00

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,
which is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is deprived of its warmth.
The law of the LORD is perfect,
refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure,
and all of them are righteous.
They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the honeycomb.
By them your servant is warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
But who can discern their own errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

I specifically love the verses in bold and italics. Very lovely on the heartstrings. :D

2008-02-09T20:52:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is about tonight, but it has been really emotional for me for some reason. I am absolutely madly and deeply in love with the Lord. He takes my breath away really. I have never wanted to be near Him more than right at this moment. I have never wanted to see Him face to face more than right now. I don't know what it is, but I long to be able to touch Him and feel his skin against my finger tips. I have had nights like this before, but I swear the more they happen, the greater the love is each time. I was wondering as I sat on my bed writing in my journal what it would be like to be able to call Him up and say, "Hey, Lord, want to hang out right now, you know watch a movie, have a meaningful conversation, eat some pizza, maybe lay outside and watch the stars." I know He would say absolutely and be right over in a second. Obviously this cannot happen, but I still pray more than ever to be able to feel His presence with me at all times. I don't really feel that I can ever do enough in my lifetime to show all my gratitude for Him. All I can do is give my whole self to Him, so he can tear me apart and fill me up with all of Him.

It's a beautiful thing really and as I read the Gospel of Mark for my homework and for the second time in my life tonight, I was really taken aback by how beautiful the account of Jesus' life really is. I know it sounds stupid that I never really noticed this before, I mean yeah I was always very grateful for Jesus dying for me, but I don't know, the whole story to me tonight made me in awe. I don't even know why I am blogging this, it's not a blog to show you guys what I have been learning lately, or some questions I have, or even an update on my life. It is really just an account of how much I am in love with Jesus right now. I hope you all have had mornings, or days, or nights like this. They really are amazing and I pray that I begin to feel more and more like this every single day.

I love you Lord with everything I have in me and I cannot begin to thank you enough for what you have done for me and everyone in this world. Thank you for loving with an everlasting love. You make me smile.

Spring semester has started! :D

2008-02-08T13:22:00.000-08:00

So today I started 3 of my new class for spring semester...General Chemistry 2, Christian Theology, and Calculus. I love every single one of them so far... I mean it was only the first day :D! The professors are wonderful, especially my Christian Theology one! I was kind of nervous about that one because I knew it was a guy and for some reason a guy teaching a religion course scared the crap out of me, but what do you know he is awesome and really hilarious! Yesterday I had 1 of my new classes...Human Cultural Diversity. Professor seems nice, she is kind of hard to understand because she is from Japan so she doesn't pronounce any of her R's haha. I am so glad the Lord blessed me with such great classes this semester that I know I am going to throughly enjoy even though I know it is going to be so much work!! Did I mention that my religion class requires us to have SEVEN books?!? I am going to have A LOT of reading this semester, but I am really excited to see where the Lord takes me in each one of these classes and where he takes me outside of the classroom! I am ready to rock and roll! :D

Two post in one night, I am on a roll!

2008-02-06T23:21:00.000-08:00

I love it when I notice little things like this. He makes me smile...

Tonight I had just gotten down with the book of Job, which I enjoyed greatly! From that I moved onto "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller that I had been reading and I was excited because I only had 1 chapter left and I knew it was going to be good. Can you guess what the first couple pages were about? Yep, the book of Job, which if I hadn't finished reading it earlier, I would have not been smiling or even known what the heck Donald Miller was talking about! I love it when God does that! :D

Life is Wonderful

2008-02-06T20:10:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I like to tell myself that it's not, but dang, how can I even think that? God has blessed me in so many ways this past year and continues to everyday. Yes, sometimes I don't see it, which is why I am really trying to just...breath every once in a while. I mean this year my "new years resolution" I guess you could say was to let the Lord have all of me, something I had been holding back for quite sometime. I was ready then and I am still ready. Maybe I can't see it yet, but I know He is working in me this very moment I type this. He loves me and I love him...it continues to be simply enough in my life. :D

2008-01-31T10:44:00.000-08:00

You know what I think is pretty dang awesome, and kind of weird...when you listen to song you haven't heard in YEARS, but as soon as it starts playing you still remember the lyrics.

My random thought of the day. :D

Oh one more thing, I was listening to a song by Jack Johnson this morning (love his music), and there is a part of one of his songs when he says,

"Loving somebody don't make them love you."

And I thought to myself, who better do these words relate to than the Man upstairs himself.

Listening to music before class

2008-01-30T10:11:00.000-08:00

"We’re after Your heart, after Your heart

All of the walls now are breaking apart

Live like we see it, love like we mean it

This is the start, we’re after Your heart"

-Phil Wickham, After your Heart

2008-01-29T23:11:00.000-08:00

It's 11:15 on a Tuesday night. I'm sitting here, kind of tired, and figured hmm maybe I should just go to blogger and write. So here I am, writing. I am reading, "Searching for God knows what" by Donald Miller right now. I am really enjoying it. Here's a few words from the book that I very much so like. :D

"It doesn't make a great deal of sense that a person who went to Bible college should have a better shot at heaven than a person who didn't; and it doesn't me a lot of sense either that somebody sentimental and spiritual has greater access. I think it is more safe and more beautiful and more true to believe that when a person dies he will go and be with God because, on earth, he had come to know Him."

This month has been really amazing for me. I have become to know God in ways I never dreamed of knowing Him. I don't know if it was the new year, or if God just decided to have something snap inside of me, but it has been an great journey this month. I also found this daily bible reading thing-a-ma-gig online at the beginning of the month....ok sorry just looked out my window and it's SNOWING AGAIN! :D....I have been doing the daily bible reading suggestions from the website and by the end of the year I will have read the whole bible! Yay! Something to cross off my what I want to do in my lifetime list haha. Right now I am reading Job, Matthew and some of the Proverbs and Psalms. Have never read Job and am really enjoying that.

Well, I can't really concentrate anymore because it is snowing!!! :D Love you all.

Snow :D

2008-01-28T09:50:00.000-08:00

Basically it snowed last night and this is what I woke up to at school this morning. :D

Tag Your It!

2008-01-25T12:10:00.000-08:00

5 random/weird things about me

1. I absolutely adore/love turtles! (I may possibly have a turtle farm when I am older :D)

2. Cotton balls creep me out. Even just thinking about them right now gives me goosebumps.

3. I collect Pez dispensers...what can I say I am a nerd at heart.

4. I'm all about quietness. I love it when you can't hear anything but your heart beating.

5. Otter pops...enough said. :D

5 top places on my “want to see or want to see again” list

1. The 8 wonders of the world

2. Anywhere in Europe

3. The Caribbean (again)

4. Anywhere in Africa

5. Bermuda! (They have pink beaches :D)

So I guess this is an actual "update" on my life

2008-01-14T20:05:00.000-08:00

School wise
Right now I only have one class for "J-term" which, hence the name only takes place during January. The class I am taking is call Health and Wellness Strategies. Wooo...not. I have it 4 days a week 3 hours a day. Kind of sucks. Not the class itself, but ONLY having that class does. I need variety!! I have never been so excited for spring term in my life when I will have 5 classes.

Family and friend wise
Love them and I hope they love me too. :D

Spiritual wise
My relationship with God is at an all time high. At least I would like to think so :D. Like I said in the post before I am finally ready for God to take full control over my life. I am done wanting to take things into my own hands. I have finally learned that it is kind of pointless. I don't care where He takes me, what He makes me do, or how He makes me do it. I don't care if He makes me uncomfortable at times, scared at times, nervous at times, or sad at times, I just want Him to lead me to where I am suppose to be and I don't care what it looks like in the process. I am fully His and want Him to start filling me up with all of Him. That's all I want and well, how can I not be more happier than I ever have been? :D

2008

2008-01-06T20:42:00.000-08:00

New year, new start, new beginnings, and new experiences. Fresh start. It feels good to say that. I am leaving everything bad behind and am ready for the Lord to tear me down and fill me up with all of Him. After so many times last year of saying I'm ready Lord for you to take control, I finally can say it and mean it with everything I have in me. And it feels darn good. :D

Happy or Frustrated?!? Nobody knows.

2007-12-09T12:03:00.000-08:00

This is my life.
Happy
Frustrated
Happy
Frustrated
Happy
Frustrated
HAPPY!!!!!!!
FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!

Catch my drift?
Haha.

2007-12-04T22:33:00.001-08:00

If there is something I would want more than anything else in this world, it would be to make a difference in someones life.

Hahaha

2007-11-20T19:27:00.000-08:00

Life makes me laugh sometimes in the way things work out.

Stillness

2007-11-12T19:46:00.000-08:00

For a little over a week now I have been craving to go hiking or something. My life is so busy and overwhelming that I just need to get away and bask in some silence and solitude, while at the same time, waiting to be taken aholt by God. I'm not used to always being around someone and not having time to myself. I'm an only child, I was used to keeping to myself, and having a lot of time to just be silent. I barely every get a chance for that anymore until I go home on the weekends. I miss it. Immensely. Which is why I am craving to go on a hike, to some place beautiful, and just allow God's beauty to grab me in my stillness.

Cuddling with Jesus :)

2007-11-09T18:26:00.000-08:00

I want to cuddle with Jesus. Right off the bat I'm sure many people would say, uhh awkward, that's weird. Is it though? I'm not talking about a weird kind of cuddling ( if that even exhists), I just want to place my head on his chest and hear his heart beat. I want to feel his arms around me and I want to feel safe. At night after I pray, I lay there awhile after, just waiting to be taken ahold by His presence. I need and want to feel His presence more than ever.

I'm at the point in my life where I'm craving to fall in love. Funny thing is, I overlooked it. I already have. I'm in love with Jesus.

Jealousy--the root of all evil

2007-11-08T19:10:00.000-08:00

A jealous heart is the worst. That is all for now.

Forgiveness

2007-11-05T20:36:00.001-08:00

For some reason in my writing class, the subject of forgiveness came up. Most of the people concluded that it is possible to forgive someone, but not gain your full trust back of them. Right there I got to thinking, really hard. I know that is possible to do ( to forgive someone, but not trust them fully anymore), but is that the right way to forgive? I then began to try to figure out what forgiveness means in the Bible and what God meant by it. When Jesus died on the cross and forgave all our sins, He then had trust in all us didn't He? Or not? Did his image of us change? Are we treated differently? Meagan and I actually talked about this on instant messanger. She came up with the fact that when God sees us, He sees Jesus; that is how we are forgiven; he covers us. With that said then, that is how we would have to trust someone after forgiving them, through Jesus. I would just say that not everyone is a reflection of Jesus though. You and me are suppose to get to that point where we do reflect Jesus in everything we do, but I guess God sees past everything and still sees Jesus in us though no matter what because in the end we will go to Heaven where we will be perfect, but until then we still mess up.

In the end Meagan and I concluded that in order to forgive, you also have to trust the person and not treat them differently because God forgave us and still trusts us and sees past everything to the point where he sees Jesus in us. If you have trouble with this, you just have to go to God and ask Him to help you be able to trust the peson again and not see them any differently. What would be the point of forgiveness if this was not true?

2007-11-04T20:58:00.000-08:00

A new verse that I am beginning to write delicately on my heart.

"Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. no sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless--that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing." (1 Peter 3:8-9 MSG)

2007-11-04T14:28:00.000-08:00

More than change itself, it really hits me hard when people change and I am obviously not talking about people changing for the better. I have had so many experiences in my life where people have changed in the blink of an eye and every single time, my heart is literally crushed. It has never been something that has come easy for me to handle, probably because I tend to attach myself to people way too quickly and do not guard my heart in the process. Is God just going to keep doing this until I finally learn? I don't know. Although, I am not going to lie, some of these experiences happened when my relationship with God was not at an all-time high, it was actually at an all-time low, but I can't say that that was the reason they happened because I have had this happen when my relationship with God was amazing. I just know, that this is something I have not mastered, and probably never will. I probably never will fully understand God's reasoning in some of the things He does in my life. I guess I could say this is my struggle these days. Maybe I just need to stop thinking about myself. I continue to feel lost, although my prayer life is great.

Random Useless Information

2007-11-01T22:37:00.000-07:00

I'm sick and it sucks. I had to run a mile and a half this morning, which went better than I was expecting. Waking up and not being able to breath was not cool though. Plus some headaches and a cough. I survived the run though, my legs, however, are still recovering. :) I decided today that I want to minor in religion and I have my schedules for my January term and Spring term planned out!! I get to register for my one month January class in 15 days!! Woo hoo! I am planning on taking a snowboarding class, if I get in. I'm in the last group to register, so I am praying! If I do get in I will be going up to Snowqualmie Pass every Tuesday and Thursday from 2:30 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. and snowboarding! I really hope I get in! I just wanted to take a fun class J-Term, as they call it. I also am planning on taking a New Testament class which is everyday from 8:30 a.m. to 10:50 a.m. I am going to have SOOO much reading, but oh well I have to take at least 4 credits for J-Term and the snowboarding class is only 1 so I had to choose another class. My spring schedule that I planned out is going to be so busy, but I am planning on taking some really sweet class like Drawing ( I wanted to take painting, but drawing is the prereq. so next fall I will take it), weight training, and the Christian tradition. The not so fun classes I am planning on taking are general chemistry 2 and calculus.

Anyway, yeah pretty useless information for you guys, but I am actually really excited to register for classes! I think this next month and a half will go by fast and then it's Christmas break and amazingness!!!

Halloween

2007-10-29T22:57:00.000-07:00

I totally don't understand why some religious people don't let their kids go out and trick or treat. I mean, I get that maybe halloween might have some evil associations, but I think a lot of people just totally warp the holiday. I don't really think there is any harm to letting your kids get dressed up all cute and go around to houses and get candy. The Bible does say in some verses, like Exodus 22:18, Acts 8:9-24, Acts 16, and Acts 19 that you should keep yourself away from witchcraft, occult practices, etc., but I don't think dressing up and going around to houses for candy is exactly that.

Our dorms let little kids come into them and knock on the residents doors to get candy. It is just a safe place for them to go. Kelsey and I are going to wear our lab goggles as our costume. Haha. I'm excited and I really hope we have leftover candy!!! Kelsey got me addicted to candy. That girl eats so much candy. :) Anyway, bottom line, there are many different ways to have fun on halloween in a way that avoids all the evil aspects of it.

2007-10-26T21:46:00.000-07:00

I have kind of started taking up the habit of just praying for random people. People on the news, people I see walking down the street, the people the ambulance is going to that passed me on the road, anyone really. It just feels natural to do for some reason. It's like, I don't even think about doing it anymore I just do and it feels good. :)

Oh Happy Day!!

2007-10-22T10:30:00.001-07:00

Last night, something just...clicked I guess you could say. And that something is something that I have known for so long, but for some reason last night it actually got through to my heart and now I can't keep the smile off my face. Even my roommate today was like, you are really weirding me out because you are so different; you're so happy. There are so many things I could list off that make today so wonderful, like:

It is SUNNY! (there is BLUE sky)
I wasn't thirsty all morning, AKA I didn't forget my waterbottle which I normally do.
I didn't forget my clicker for chemistry.
My hair looks amazing.
We started watching a movie in writing! Woo!
I got a better grade on a paper I wrote than was expected.
I've uttered praise to my Father about twenty times today and I've only been awake for about 3 hours!
I am going shopping today!
I am going to the Olive Garden for my grandmas b-day. (Pasta I swear can brighten anyways day, except I guess for those who don't like pasta :p)
I'm stopping to smell the flowers now! (there actually aren't any flowers on campus, but you know what I mean haha)

But even with all these, the day would not have been so great if that one thing did not click!! It's simple really. Basically these verses explain what clicked...

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it." (Psalms 37:4-5)

I think I have used these verses many times before in pervious posts, but last night, it meant more to me and my heart than any other time I have read them. I'm simply delighting in the Lord today and every day that follows, as I know He delights in me. I love that word, delight. It makes me smile.

I'm happy with where I am, something I have not felt in so long. I'm living the life the Lord has planned for me and I will trust Him. I have no reason to feel stuck anymore. He loves me. That is simply enough.

:)

Haha

2007-10-20T23:32:00.000-07:00

As I was hanging out with Talicia last night, for some reason we opened the drawer under my bed that had all my books in it and started looking through them. I have some pretty interesting books that I had totally forgot about let me tell ya. While searching through the books though, I found an old journal. Now that, that is more interesting than any book I have in that drawer. I started reading some of the things I wrote and I couldn't help but laugh and think, "Did I seriously just write that?!?!" It was kind of cool to see how much I have matured since then, and that journal was only from 2005 and some of 2006!!! I have grown so much in only a year! It is crazy. Makes me laugh.

The Simple Life

2007-10-19T15:06:00.000-07:00

Life is so simple when the power is out. I kind of like it.

Something to think about

2007-10-18T12:31:00.000-07:00

I was recalling going to see Evan Almighty at the drive-ins this summer and remembered this quote that God says...

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for their family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other? "

2007-10-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

Love to so many people these days is overrated. This makes me so sad when someone says that. The only reason love is overrated is because people throw that word around like it's nothing so no one really knows what it is anymore. But with knowing Jesus, I don't think it is possible to not know love. Jesus wasn't throwing the word love out there like it was nothing when He died on the cross for you.

All I know, is that I feel so loved right now just to let you know. I don't think I could ever throw the word love around like it didn't mean anything. Love isn't a word anyway. Jesus showed us more how he loved us by what he did, not what he said. At least, that is how I see it.

Oreo's

2007-10-16T19:23:00.000-07:00

Oreo's. Mmm, I love them. As I was eating one right before writing this, I remember as kids always playing that game where you would say the cream side means this will happen and the side without the cream means nothing will happen or something else will happen. And it got me thinking, you know, that's pretty funny... and silly at that. Then I started thinking about other games like that, including the 8 Ball, wishing on 11:11, shooting stars, etc. The funny thing is, a little part of you actually wants to believe it, at least for me it was like that! Maybe it's just the idea, I don't know, but it made you fell good. Unless of course, when asking the 8 ball something you got a no or getting the side without the cream, then you actually would feel sad, maybe even mad. I don't know if you would ever feel this way, but I definitely would. I think it might just be the sense of thinking you know something is going to happen and these silly games would give you that and let you hope for something.

Now, playing that game with the Oreo's just makes me laugh. I take all these things to God now. I let God have my future. I trust God in providing for me. He is the one who gives me hope and something to look forward too, even though I don't have a sense of what the answer is going to be, like I might like to think I have by playing the Oreo game or using the 8 Ball. It doesn't matter that I don't have a sense of knowing what will happen, there is definitely beauty in the unknown and God gives that to me, with me knowing He has the best life for me planned out already. This might seem dumb saying, but all these games are things as a kid that would move my heart away from God. Not anymore though. Games might be fun, but they will never give you hope like God will. And I am totally not saying people really take these things seriously, but it is just about the way the idea of the game gets to someones head maybe.

Just an interesting thought.

Galatians

2007-10-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

This past week, God kept whispering to me, READ GALATIANS! I don't know why, but my heart kept pointing to Galatians and it kept popping up in my head, so this weekend I finally said YES to God and read it.

It's a really short book, but I came across these verses and I then understood why God was leading me to read this.

"What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine", but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that." (Galatians 2:19-21 MSG)

All Galatians chapter 2 is basically about this.

I think wanting to appear righteous before other people and have their good opinion is true in a lot of peoples lives these days, even I can admit it was in mine for a long time, but even more than that, I was wanting to impress God. That just seems plain out dumb now. And anyway, no one should want the praise and good opinion from man on earth, that will all come from God in heaven. I'm encouraged to be God's woman more so out of sight of others now. Not in the sense of hiding my faith, I still want people who look at me to see Christ or go, "That girl's life is different, I want to know why." , but in the sense that leading a life Christ like and letting Him take control is not to please others or to get praise from them.

Mulan :)

2007-10-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

I just got done watching Mulan. Yeah you can think I am lame, but I love Disney movies! Anyway, here are some of my favorite quotes. Farah, you should love them!

The Emperor of China: "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all."
Shang: "Sir? "
The Emperor of China (about Mulan): "You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty."
As he then puts on his hat, looks at Shang funny, and walks off. Ahh, love that part. :)

Fa Zhou (to Mulan): "My, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one's late. But I'll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all."

2007-10-11T20:26:00.000-07:00

"I was a Franciscan priest for twenty-six years. During that time, I came to understand why the founder of the community, Francis of Assisi, could never eat a meal in a room where a cross or crucifix hung without weeping yet is remembered as the most joyful saint in Christian history. This is possible because the focus of Francis's attention was not on suffereing itself, but on the suffereing Christ. Francis knew that if he had been the only person ever to walk the earth, Jesus would have endured the shame of the Cross for him alone" (Brennan Manning, The Signature of Jesus)

I would have to say after reading that, I knew Jesus would have died on that cross for me alone if I was the only person to walk this earth too and just picturing that in my mind made my heart spring to life. I cannot deny that I also felt a little guilty also. God appreciates me and loves me so much, and I have not given him the time of day lately. I mean, yeah I pray, but not about my relationship with Him. I don't want to be caught up in looking for other things to make me happy or to show me my worth. I want all of this to come from God. I want my life to show that I understand and know I am appreciated by God and nothing can get in the way of that. God made me a strong person. I have thrown that away lately, but not anymore. I'm back and I am back for good.

"How few Christians there are who realize they have been transformed by the power of Christ's death and that now the impossible has become possible." --John McKenzie

2007-10-05T20:01:00.001-07:00

I don't know what is going on, but I feel that I am not where I am suppose to be. I'm not happy, that's something I am sure of. All I do is go to class, eat, and sleep. That is my day and I am longing for something or someone more. I have always been the person who would always tell myself I only need myself to be happy, but I have come to realize that everyone who is away at college, away from me, has taken a little bit of my happiness with them. I can't do this. I'm away from all of the people who meant the most to me. I suck at making new friends, which is why I would rather stick to the ones I have already, but they are all somewhere I am not.

I don't even know if what I pray is something I truely mean anymore. I'm so lost. I read back on some of my blogs and it sounds as if for a moment I figured everything out, but I still haven't. I would be lying to myself if I said I was ok. I can feel the void in my chest. I hate this. I feel so stupid, letting all this get to me. Maybe I have been putting my happiness in other people for to long instead of letting God have it and maybe even when I say I am ready, i'm not. This is something I personally need to take to the Lord. I keep going down and down, but I guess when I get to the bottom the only way back is to go up. Please pray that I will be able to do this in all honestly and truely mean everything I say to Him. I want my heart back and I'm to weak, worn out, and tired to do this on my own. The Lord has lead me to everything possible that I try to gain happiness from, but it never stays. I am to the point where I am about to run full force back into His arms like I am sure was His plan all along, and I pray that this time, it will be real, with every ounce of strength I have left in me.

2007-10-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

Just thought this was cool.

"I'm ready, God, so ready,
ready from head to toe,
Ready to sing, ready to raise a tune:
"Wake up, soul!
Wake up, harp! wake up, lute!
Wake up, you sleepyhead sun!""
(Pslam 57:7-8 MSG)

The cool part, my schools mascot is the "lute", which is basically just anyone who goes to PLU. So I am a Lute, Kelsey my roommate is Lute, so on and so forth. Anyway, I'm taking this as a sign from God that I need to WAKE UP and be READY for anything in the Lord!!